


With You

by Aliemah



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Backstory, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mild Language, Past Rape/Non-con, mature themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 22:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8120632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliemah/pseuds/Aliemah
Summary: Kaidan helps Analya face the man who ruined her at fifteen, and still hold on to what she's become since.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't typically like dealing with these types of backstories, but I feel that this is a central part of Ana's past that would have come up sooner or later. I took some liberties by using Darner Vosque to play the villain here. There are lots of indirect as well as direct references to rape, and other kinds of abuse. Read at your own risk.

Something was off.

Not in the ‘this isn’t right’ kind of way, but more of a ‘there is something seriously bothering her and it’s scaring me’ kind of way. Kaidan needed to find out, and he unfortunately had to wait until probably one of the worst moments to breach the subject - after dinner.

“I don’t have time to talk, Kaidan.”

“Analya, I’m worried, you’ve been... different the past few days. Just tell me what’s going on.” he said, making sure to keep his voice down while the crew slowly trickled off to wherever they went when they weren’t on duty. They hardly ever used first names, and while it was common knowledge that they were seeing each other, they did try to maintain a certain level of professionalism around the crew.

“What do you mean by that?” she snapped, looking up as she set the coffee pot down, having just emptied the remainder into her cup. Her hazel eyes were furious, and he nearly backed down.

“I mean you’ve been very quiet and tense, and if I remember correctly, you used to get like this when there was something that really bothered you. I’m asking because I want to know to see if there’s anything I can do to help.” he said, reaching out and putting his hand on her upper arm. She seemed to flinch at the action, and he immediately dropped his hand. For a moment, her eyes betrayed her steely look, and he saw fear there.

“Give me a little time, and then we’ll talk.” she murmured, quickly slinking away from view. He could deal with that answer. It would only be a couple of hours longer at most until she would come to bed with him, and they could talk this out. He’d find something to do in the mean time.

* * *

 

The two had been looking at each other, the walls, the floor, the fish, the coffee table, anything in the room, for almost an hour in complete silence. Kaidan was getting irritated, but Ana seemed to be concentrating on her coffee, clutching it tightly in her hands as she kept her body as small and tight as possible. Finally, she looked over to him, and he could tell she was ready.

“I told you about my... childhood, didn’t I?”

“About how you were with the Reds?” she nodded, “Yeah, you told me some of that...”

“I didn’t tell you everything about that experience.” she said, looking more than ashamed as her eyes drifted to the floor again. Suddenly, face and voice were expressionless. “When I was fifteen, some of the older boys and the men decided I had to go through an ‘initiation’ on my birthday.” her voice grew more and more quiet with each word, and her hands began to shake.She took in a deep breath and kept speaking before he could do or say anything. “I remember all their names and their faces. It didn’t just happen one night, it happened nearly every single night until I was nearly eighteen. And it wasn’t just me, it was all the other girls and-” she choked on her own tears.

Kaidan reached over to gently take the coffee cup from her, taking her hands at first, and slowly wrapping his arms around her, barely holding back his tears. No wonder she didn’t like talking about this. It was terrible. He knew he was assuming the worst without her having said anything, but the implication was there. He pulled her into his arms, and she sobbed, loud and hard as she held on to him.

“You never deserved that.” he said after a while, a few tears slipping past his eyes. He was furious that anyone would ever think it was okay to do these things, especially to someone who didn’t exactly know better.

“It’s not like I could have stopped them, Kaidan, there were five of them.” she whispered, “Anyway... My point is that I still remember their names, and I’ve been tracking them down for years.” she said quietly, still leaning against him. “I found the last one, and he’s working for Aria. He’s the leader of the Blue Suns.”

“I see.” he sighed.

“I have to find some way to convince her to let me do this.”

“Well, it might help to talk with her in person.” Kaidan said, not exactly a fan of the Asari, but understanding that she would be an invaluable resource to have right now. “Other than that... you know her better than I do.”

“Would you come with me?”

He swallowed louder than he thought he should have. He hesitated.

“Yeah, I’ll go with you.”

And that’s how he’d ended up here, in Purgatory, sitting a few feet from Aria T’Loak while Analya tried to explain what was happening. Much to his surprise, Aria seemed sympathetic, with a hint of admiration for Analya for taking on such a personal mission. And then finally, Aria spoke.

“I never liked him much, to be honest, Shepard.” she said, scowling as she looked off, leaning back into the couch. “I’d gladly be rid of him if you want to be the one to do it. You more than anyone deserve the closure.”

“I’m glad you can agree Aria. I swear I’ll come back to repay the debt.” Ana motioned for Kaidan to stand up, but hesitated when she raised her hand.

“Not so fast, Shepard. I want to talk to pretty boy.” she said, her face stony as she practically glared at him.

“A-Alright.” Ana said, looking back at him. “I’ll just.. wait by the bar, then.”

Kaidan sat back down in his spot, watching as Ana walked nearly half way to the bar before Aria spoke.

“You’re helping her finish this.” she deadpanned.

“I thought I’d leave that up to her-” he started, interrupted by another hand and a glare as she leaned in, her voice surprisingly quiet for the noise in the place.

“You’re helping her because she’s going to need it. She thinks she’s going to be strong enough to do this, but the truth of the matter is that this is the end to a very painful part of her past. She’s going to be shattered when it’s over, and she’s going to need someone she trusts to help her through it.” she sat upright again. “Not to mention I’d hate to have all these credits laying around, and I’m sure you could use a new set of armor these days.”

“I... Okay.” Kaidan said, utterly confused as he stood up, walking over to where Ana was standing, nursing her beer, another one sitting beside her waiting for him. He slid up beside her with a heavy sigh.

“Everything okay?”

“I have to go with you, apparently.” he said, still confused as he took a sip.

“I was going to ask you, actually... But I doubt I need to tell you why it’s a bad idea to get on her bad side.”

“No, you don’t. But you’re going to have to plan everything for this. And we can’t let anyone know.”

“I’ve already informed the Alliance and the Council we’re taking shore leave to regroup mentally. We’ve been given clearance so this is all off the record.” Ana nodded, keeping her voice down. “I’ve been planning this for a while, honestly. I just have a few extra things to work out.”

He was scared again, listening to her talk with such a lack of emotion. She was set on her intent to kill, and this wasn’t the Analya he knew, but he supposed this would be more revealing than ever about what kind of person she truly was. Maybe she’d be better once this chapter of her life was closed. He sure as hell wasn’t going to let it consume her, that much was clear.

“Alright.” he said after a moment. “I’m with you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The planning was extensive - Analya had busted out several data pads, and a program to display the area where she would be luring Vosque to. Kaidan was to wait inside, and keep watch over her for some time.

“Once he’s done talking to Aria, we’ll lure him upstairs to that bar.” Ana said, pointing to the layout of Purgatory. Aria had already given her blessing on all of this, agreeing to talk to Vosque about needing him to do her one more little favor before she’d agree to his terms. That favor, as Kaidan understood, would be to talk to Ana while she was ‘disguised’ as someone else.

“Okay, what are you planning then? I know you’re not going to kill him on sight, or in public like that.” Kaidan said, the subject still bothering him slightly. He could understand her wanting to do this, but he just couldn’t see her following through, despite having done this many times before. 

She glanced up from the blueprint that was displayed on his coffee table in his apartment on the Citadel.

* * *

 

“Trust me, I wish I could.” she said in a grave voice, then sighing. “As of right now, my only hope of doing this without causing a scene is to either slip something in his drink, or get him alone-”

“Ana, are you sure you’d want to even consider that?”

“I can handle myself, Kaidan. I didn’t get through N7 training without learning how to handle myself in a fight.”

“I’m not doubting your training, I’m just questioning whether or not you’re mentally prepared for this.” he said, sitting back. “Look, why don’t we take a break for a few minutes, I’m having a bit of a hard time focusing on this right now.”

“Alright.” she nodded, standing up to stretch and walking to his kitchen to grab something to drink, coming back and settling in beside him. Her eyes shut after a few minutes. Kaidan curled his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him with the faintest of smiles playing on her lips.

“I’m just trying to look out for you.” he said quietly when he turned to kiss the top of her head. “I know you want to do this a certain way, and you have every right to want it, but... it’s different when you’re faced with the mental aspect of it because you can’t exactly prepare yourself for that.”

“Speaking form experience?” she mumbled.

“A bit, yes.” he said, playing with the ends of her hair. “A few years ago, well before we’d met, I managed to find Rhana, and we started talking. I told her I wanted to formally apologize for what happened in person, and we set up a meeting in a coffee shop outside Vancouver - I guess she was living there at the time.” he paused and looked down at her. “Rhana thought she’d be able to handle seeing me again, but after the... fear I put into her that day, she still had a strong reaction to it, and I had to settle for an apology over message. We haven’t talked since and I’m convinced it’s because she’s never really gotten over it.”

Ana was quiet for a moment, playing with the cup in her hands that had just now been emptied of its water.

“I’m not Rhana, Kaidan.”

“I know you’re not, but the same idea applies. You might think you can do this, but... what if you freeze up?”

“I haven’t before.”

“He was the one that started all of this.” he said softly. “You should think about having a backup plan if you can’t do this the way you’re planning to.”

“Well, would you do this for me, if I did freeze up?” she asked softly, looking up at him. He didn’t like the feeling in his gut, thinking on it. But he knew this would be for the best.

“I don’t think I’d like doing it, but I would.” It wasn’t like Vosque didn’t deserve this, after all he’d done. Not just to Ana, but to many others as well. The idea just didn’t sit well with him. This man deserved much more pain than a quick death.

“Thank you.” she sighed, moving to sit in his lap. Both of his arms wrapped around her without a thought, and neither worried about the rest of their plan for that night. They had all day tomorrow to work out details.

* * *

 

“I hate clubs like this.” Kaidan muttered, pulling up at the shirt he was wearing. It felt a little too... low for his usual tastes. But the moment Ana had found it in his wardrobe, she insisted he wear it tonight.

“I do too, but this is the best way to draw him out.” She sighed, her hair colored to a light blonde so she was less noticeable. Though he didn’t bother altering his appearance at all, which he knew might cause a stir, seeing as he was followed everywhere these days, and showing up somewhere without someone who looked like Analya would start rumors. But they knew differently.

They gave a slight nod to Aria as they passed, heading up the stairs. Kaidan felt like he needed to seriously protect Ana, but the most he did to act on that need was to place his hand on her back as they walked. After a few minutes, they found a spot at the bar, and ordered their drinks. Kaidan’s back was to the wall, and Ana was in front of him. The two were chatting for some time before she got pushed into him. Luckily her drink wasn’t spilled, but Kaidan held her against himself, sighing heavily as they both glared at the Asari who’d bumped into them drunkenly. 

Suddenly, he forgot what they were doing, and all Kaidan could think about was the warmth coming from her back, and through her shirt. She had a tendency to run hotter than most, and he couldn’t help but remember nearly a week ago when he’d last held her this close to himself. He saw the smile on her lips grow wider, her free hand sliding up his chest to lay on his shoulder.

“You know, this blonde thing is throwing me off a little.” he chuckled.

“Shut up, you like it.” she laughed. “Or have I been reading you wrong all evening?”

“Alright, maybe I like it a little.” he grinned, leaning down to kiss her, not intending for it to be short, either.

For a moment, both of them were caught up in each other, wrapping arms tighter around the other while teeth and tongues clashed. Though, it died down fairly quick, leaving both with a tingling sensation and smile on their lips. Kaidan looked down at her and saw her face was a bit flushed, and he brushed some of her dyed hair from her face. He wasn’t going to lie, he had a bit of a soft spot for the blonde hair - it looked _too_  good on her. Though, he loved her natural dark brown hair, more. Her eyes popped better.

“Spectre Alenko.” A deep voice called out not far away, “Cheating on Shepard? At a time like this?”

They both froze for a moment, but Kaidan was a bit quicker to roll with it, subtly pulling Ana into himself.

“We’re on a break.” he said, “I don’t believe we’ve met-”

“Aria told me to come look for you and your...” he paused, glancing at Ana with something that resembled amusement, “friend. You have business to discuss?”

“I don’t, I’m just here for backup. But,” Kaidan said, giving her a gentle nudge as she turned around. “she would like to have a few words with you.”

He felt Ana’s body trembling just slightly. Whether it was from adrenaline kicking in or something else, Kaidan couldn’t really tell. Not unless he saw her face. But she knew how to deal with it, and he’d promised to be there no matter what.

“Hm,” Vosque started, “well let’s get this over with. I’m not very patient.”

“I’m well aware of your tendencies.” Ana’s voice came out, calm and smooth as ever. “Let’s head somewhere with less eyes and ears.”

“Fine, but Alenko stays here.”

“He comes or you don’t get the information.” she turned her head up slightly, no doubt glaring.

For a moment, Kaidan feared Vosque might walk away. But he threw his hands up after thinking.

“Fine. This had better be worth it.” he turned to walk out. For a moment, Ana and Kaidan looked at each other. He nodded to let her lead, and she picked up a fast pace. 

He could see her hand shaking - not her dominant hand, either. For a moment, he thought he remembered her saying she preferred southpaw for hand to hand, or close combat. Maybe it was a nervous tick he’d never noticed?

* * *

 

“That’s all the information I have. I can get more if you’ll just come with me-”

“No, I’m not going anywhere with you, not while he’s here.” he snarled, glaring at Kaidan. He tried not to roll his eyes, but instead he simply sighed, gently pulling Ana back a few steps to talk quietly with her. This alley wasn’t the best place to be having this conversation, but they needed to move him.

“Ana, maybe you should take him. I can follow and wait outside. You can turn on your omni-tool so I can listen in and know if I need to step in.”

“He’ll notice that.”

“I can tweak it while you convince him to let me take both of you there, and wait outside.” Kaidan said, reaching down and not caring about how sensual it might have been, sliding his hand down her arm, gently scooping the device from her wrist as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze as well. He saw her blush, and couldn’t help but grin. He opened up his omni-tool, transferring a program to hers.

“Fine.” she mumbled, stepping back over. “Alright, Vosque-”

“Wait a minute,” he said, eyes narrowing. “I know you.”

She’d accidentally stepped into a spot of light, and her face was lit up a little too nicely - something they’d wanted to avoid. Kaidan whipped around, watching her freeze as Vosque approached her with a smug look on his face.

“Well, well... Miss Shepard.” he took in a deep breath, grinning broadly as he stood a little too close to her, voice dropping, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Kaidan thought he heard the softest of whimpers come from her, and when she didn’t speak, he stepped back over, closer, but not too close for fear of setting off Vosque.

“You’ve definitely gotten far in life haven’t you? I still remember when you came crawling to me, begging for a scrap of food.” He looked over her and shook his head. “If you hadn’t left us, sold us out... We could have had something great.”

“That’s not the life I wanted, and you know that, Darner.” she said with an unsteady voice, still standing her ground. Though behind her back, where Kaidan could see, her hand was shaking visibly again. Then she started opening and closing her hand rapidly, as if asking him for something. He stepped forward.

“Stay out of this Alenko.”

“Step away from Analya.” he growled, the sound unfamiliar to his own ears. He wanted her safe from him, and he could feel the implant buzzing, ready to unleash anything necessary. They locked eyes for a moment. “I won’t ask again.” he said quieter.

Vosque took a step back, still smiling.

“I’m curious,” he started, “what did she tell you about me?”

“Enough to know I don’t want you around her.”

“Ana, my darling, I treated you so well-” he started, his voice uncharacteristically sweet.

“You fucking raped me when I was fifteen.” she half mumbled, and Kaidan had no doubt she’d started crying a bit. “I’ve been looking for you for _years_  and I’ve had more than enough time to decide how I want you to die.”

“And how is that? Are you going to shoot me? Have your boy-toy over there throw me against the wall?” he laughed, and turned to pace around a bit, not stepping any closer to Ana than he’d been warned. “What makes you think I didn’t see this coming? That I didn’t plan to have my men follow us here?”

“If this is how I die, then you’re coming with me,” Ana shrugged, her voice devoid of emotion. Her hand stopped shaking now.

Vosque took a step back, smile fading, and concern lining his face. Suddenly a few red dots were on her back - likely his own as well.

“Kaidan...” she whimpered.

He hardly hesitated to throw up a barrier, extending it to Ana as he grew closer, walking slowly. He stood beside her for just a moment, handing her omni-tool back to her, before standing in front of her.

“Tell them to stand down.”

“To hell with that!”

“Darner, you’re not going to take out two Spectres with a squad of men. Be reasonable, here.”

“I didn’t do shit to her! I don’t know what she’s remembering but it wasn’t me!” he sputtered out as he backed himself into a corner. “There’s a guy that looks like me, claimed to be me for a while.”

“You expect me to believe this?”

“She’s clearly still traumatized by it, she’d remembering things that didn’t even happen!” he pointed with an open hand. “I didn’t rape her!”

“You say that now that your life is on the line.” he said, flaring slightly. “You’ll say anything to stay alive, won’t you?”

“It wasn’t me! Take me to C-Sec, I don’t care, just don’t kill me!” He muttered into his wrist and suddenly the dots were gone.

Kaidan paused when he heard Ana speak softly behind him.

“I said something very similar to that once, Darner.” she said, stepping back beside Kaidan, her face red and stained with tears. “I know it was you, I know your eyes as well as I know my own. You made me look at them while I begged you not to touch me, or to do the things you did. You didn’t care about the things I’d done for you, I was just a pretty play thing to you - not even human.” She paused and wiped her eyes, looking slightly relieved. “You can’t even pretend to feel bad about it. I don’t know what’s worse, you lying, or the fact that when you recognized me, I saw that same desire in your eyes when you first saw me when I was a little girl. You still don’t think I’m worth shit. And frankly, I don’t think you’re worth anything, either.”

From her jacket pocket, she produced an old, weathered blade. She didn’t spare another glance at it other than to check that it was still sharp, gliding it with minimal pressure across her finger tip, slicing it open. She then tossed it from her right hand to her left, gripping it in her hand.

“Do you want me to go for the head, or do you want me to slit your wrists and let you bleed out?” Analya asked with a straight face, and calm voice. Kaidan looked over, and swore she was a different person. He didn’t recognize her at all, and he reached to gently take the knife from her. Surprisingly enough, she let go of it.

“Ana, this isn’t you.”

“He took away everything I was.”

“And you’ve become a better person on your own terms, without him.” Kaidan finally released his barrier from around them. “I don’t need to tell you how wonderful I think you are, regardless of what might have happened. If you’re doing this... Do it for yourself. Do it as yourself so you can forget what it used to be like.”

“Analya, I-”

“Don’t say a word to me.” she growled, the spirit back in her eyes. “You don’t have that right.”

In the blink of an eye, Ana rushed towards Darner, and both hands begain wailing on him, knocking him right, then left, in a seemingly endless pattern until his nose and mouth were bleeding. She paused, and watched as he slid to the ground with a groan, covering his face. Then, she crouched down in front of him, her voice soft, as if she were talking to a child. Kaidan couldn’t hear, and frankly he didn’t want to know what she was saying. But he kept an eye out for anyone coming to rescue Vosque.

Then he heard a crunch right before the man screamed out. Her foot was placed squarely on his left leg, just below the knee, and then she whipped her knee back to hit him in the jaw, his head cracking against the wall. His head slumped forward as she stepped back, shuddering and whimpering quietly.

“Come here.” Kaidan said, dropping the small packet on the ground in front of Vosque before grabbing Analya, pulling her into himself for a moment.

“I want to go home.” she said softly.

“We’ll go home.” Kaidan said back, watching as Vosque barely lifted his head. “You’re lucky she’s giving you a choice here. The others weren’t this lucky.” he said a little louder, then turning away and leaving the cyanide packets laying before him as the two walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

Surprisingly, Kaidan slept through most of the night without issue. When he woke up, it was like any other morning; Ana was still sleeping soundly beside him, he started coffee while he checked his messages, and when the coffee was finished, he brought two cups back with him to the bedroom, setting one down on the nightstand as he leaned down to kiss Ana’s cheek to wake her up.

She always smiled before she woke up, knowing that it was him who’d pulled her form sleep. Though today she only opened her eyes, looking very worn out.

“Hey.” she said, closing her eyes again after looking at him.

“Hey. Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah.”

He was quiet, looking over her some. After a minute he set his cup down beside hers, and nudged her aside to lay in front of her. She gave a small smile, and her arms wrapped tightly around him.

“There’s a whole other half of the bed for you, you know.” she muttered into his chest.

“Yeah, but you’re on this side.” he kissed the top of her head, pleased when she let out a laugh. It was small, but it was still something.

They still hadn’t talked about last night.

* * *

 

After he’d pulled her from the alley, she’d nearly collapsed, and he’d been forced to carry her back home. She cried the whole way, not expecting to have felt so helpless the way she did. It wasn’t something she’d been used to feeling, not for a long time. Kaidan tried everything he could think of, not knowing what he could do to help her. He asked over and over until she’d thrown herself at him, apparently needing intimacy. For once, Kaidan had let her take control, her past in the forefront of both their minds. They didn’t speak afterwards. He just held her until they’d fallen asleep.

“Any plans for today?” she asked.

“No, not really.” he shrugged, ignoring the blip from his omni-tool. “I thought you might like to stay in after last night.”

“It does sound nice.” she nodded, burying her face in his chest. He took the opportunity to check his omni-tool, somehow not surprised the message he’d just received was from an unknown sender. He knew it had to be from Aria, the way it was worded.

“Hey Ana?”

“Hm?”

“You did the right thing walking away last night...” he felt her tense beneath him, but she sighed.

“I hope so... But I never want to see him again.”

“You won’t have to.” he kissed her forehead, and closed his omni-tool.

_Message from: Unknown Sender  
Some of my people found Vosque beaten up in an alley way last night. He’s dead, and there was a packet in his hand, and part of another in his mouth. I can’t say that’s the way I’d have chosen for him to go, but it doesn’t exactly matter. Please let Shepard know she is welcome to come talk to me about this if she needs it. Otherwise, I’ve already made the credit transfer to your account._

Kaidan didn’t tell her how it happened, not until she’d heard something about it in passing a few days later. There was something about hearing how it happened, he thought, that seemed to ease her conscious. The fact that he’d chosen to end his own life, perhaps, instead of having it forced upon him. Or maybe she’d actually given him pause to think about the consequences of his actions. But Analya seemed at peace, finally. He’d never have known how heavily this had weighed on her for so long until he saw her that day, shoulders actually relaxed as she walked.

Kaidan just wished things could have stayed that simple, but they both knew they had to return to their duties when the time called for it. But now all her attention could be focused where it was needed, and he didn’t doubt it would be a huge improvement.


End file.
